Joke of the Day!

[SVSRyder]

Originally Posted by live2suck

To All Company Employees,

As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.

But, since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change; I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

The Boss

Amen!

[racinteach]

With all the anticipation of our coming motocross race coming up, I've been reminiscing about our many races over the years and all the work that has gone into them.
I just happened to remember one time when Willie and I were out at Red Mountain looking for trails for our Hare & Hound. We came across a mine shaft & stopped to look at it. It was so deep we couldn't see bottom. Willie decided to throw something into it & we would listen to see how long it took to hit bottom. He found an old transmission that was laying some distance from the shaft. With a lot of huffing and puffing he drug it over to the shaft and dumped down into the pit. We were listening intently to hear it hit when all at once a goat came charging out of the brush going about 100 miles per hour. It came to the mine shaft and without hesitation jumped off the edge headfirst right down into the mine.
We were standing there marveling about that when some crusty old codger came walking up.
He said, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere did you?"
Willie said, "funny you should ask, but we were standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the brush doing about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here."
The old guy said, "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to transmission.!"
I turned to look at Willie but all I could see was a cloud of dust going down the side of the mountain. We had to go back later that night to get his bike.

[SVSRyder]

2008 was the year of the bird and we had avian flu.
2009 is year of the pig, and we have swine flu
2010 is year of the cock and I am scared shitless.

[cyrus951]

Originally Posted by SVSRyder

2008 was the year of the bird and we had avian flu.
2009 is year of the pig, and we have swine flu
2010 is year of the cock and I am scared shitless.

[live2suck]

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980s. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan. There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from John McCain that the staff at the mental facility, treating Hinckley , reports to have intercepted this past weekend:
To: John Hinckley

From: John McCain

My wife and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our fine country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a non partisan consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout.

My wife Cindy and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident that you will soon make a complete re covery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man.

Best Wishes,

John and Cindy McCain

PS: While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. Just thought you should know.

[SVSRyder]

In a stunning announcement today, President Obama is making an urgent overnight flight to Turkey to apologize for all our Thanksgiving eating habits.

[SVSRyder]

bump to make it 666 replies

[live2suck]

Originally Posted by SVSRyder

bump to make it 666 replies

But now you're the 667th post you retard ...

[SVSRyder]

667 post, 666 replies

[SVSRyder]

Seeking:
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciated a good fuc-
schia garden, classical music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.

[malkey]

A big difference between a man and a woman is what they mean when they say "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."

[SVSRyder]

omfg now that's just epic!

[live2suck]

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year
old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to
come over.

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID
ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
before?''

No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it
out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little shit.

[Absocold]

Not as bad as a PEBCAK error.

[live2suck]